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About Literature / Hobbyist Premium Member 49% Evil Is Not Half Bad51/Male/United States Recent Activity
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I'm deeply sorry for my part in creating the new DeviantArt logo.

You see, about six months ago DA reached out to me -- one of its most treasured members -- and asked, "25% OFF PRINTS 2 FOR 1 SUBSCRIPTION BUY ONE FOR YOURSELF AND ONE FOR SOMEBODY ELSE!" which I took to mean they were seriously considering a redesign of the venerable D&A logo and wanted my input.

So I cracked my knuckles, fired up the trusty Commodore 64, KoalaPad, and a fifth of Vodka. 

In the morning I awoke pantsless, in a puddle of my own drool, next to a fax machine jammed with a crumpled mound of dot-matrix printout I'd (apparently) generated during the previous Vodka-fuelled design session.

Many of the papers stuffing the fax had strange glyphs on them.

Some sorta looked like clip-art for a plumbing website, or a snippet of intersection from Google Maps. What madness!

I shrugged, unplugged the fax machine and threw it into the dumpster without even checking the number I'd dialed, praying to the gods of Homeland Security I'd not been war-dialing the Pentagon (again).

IMAGINE MY HORROR WHEN UPON LOGGING IN TODAY I RECOGNIZE MY HIDEOUS GLYPH

I am so, so sorry. It's entirely my fault. If I could take it back, I would, except for the huge royalties I earn every time one of your eyeballs glances upon that bile-green escapee from stick-figure theater. Believe me, no enormous payouts of money can ever make up for my shame. Go on! LOOK AT MY SHAME! Gaze upon it! Because Ralf needs a power boat.

Please, forgive me.

In other news, it appears I've received a Daily Deviation in my absence.

And failing to acknowledge (or even know about it for months) demonstrates how out of touch I am with dA nowadays. A few years ago I would have pranced around like it was Oscar night, throwing kisses and squeeing like DiCaprio wishes he could. 

I mean no disrespect. Having people appreciate my work and say so in a public venue is STILL mind-blowing and pretty rare. I really do dig it. The honest-to-god-truth is that I am a terrible human being and not fit for your recognition. Instead, I'm a curmudgeonly hermit who still -- to this day -- is puzzled by human interaction and laughs at inappropriate times, like funerals.

Also I've been sucked into an alternate dimension where meme is valued over substance.

Seriously, that place was started originally as an annex to THIS place... dA would host my writings & musings, THERE would be naked people and nonsense. But instead I've found myself over there increasingly often and here... well, almost never.

I've flirted a few times with shutting down my dA account. But... nah. I like having my writing online for folks to find. Self-promotion has never been my thing; I think of my work as little easter eggs to be discovered. Or, forgotten about until they turn stinky and explode when hit with the lawn mower.

Hmm. Bad analogy.

Or dare I say it... the best analogy?

In any case, I figure I'll let entropy take its natural course. Like Geocities and MySpace, RalfSpace here will become dusty and abandoned, its html losing a nut here, a bolt there, eventually failing a bit but still readable enough if you squint.

In other words: I'm not shutting things down, but I'm not actively participating anymore. 

But y'all knew that already.

deviantID

RalfMaximus's Profile Picture
RalfMaximus
49% Evil Is Not Half Bad
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Current Residence: Atlanta, GA
Email: ralfmaximus@yahoo.com
Skype: maximusralf

ID Created by the insanely talented kangel, view fullsize here.

Previous ID here, by CintiaGonzalvez. ♥
Interests

Please choose an appropriate battle cry: 

35%
28 deviants said THE CURRENT STATE OF AFFAIRS DISPLEASES ME GREATLY!!!
14%
11 deviants said WHAT AREN'T YOU TELLING MEEEE?!
10%
8 deviants said DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR!!!
10%
8 deviants said DEATH BEFORE BEDTIME!!!
10%
8 deviants said IT'S NOOTELLA NOT NUTELLA!!
10%
8 deviants said MAY THE STREETS FLOW WITH THE CREAMY WHITE FILLING OF UNBELIEVERS!!!
6%
5 deviants said CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!!!
5%
4 deviants said TASTE THE MEAT NOT THE HEAT!!!
1%
1 deviant said FOX NEWS IS FAIR AND BALANCED!!!
0%
No deviants said JUSTICE FOR JUSTIN BIEBER!!!

Comments


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:iconmemnalar:
Memnalar Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2014
Long ago, we discussed horrors of this nature. Feast your eyes.
crappytaxidermy.com/
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2014
Fantastic gallery and I have only touched the surface.
I really love the humor, something that is rare here on dA. Im looking forward to visiting your page often. Thanks for the laughs.
Reply
:iconcartoonfanboyone:
cartoonfanboyone Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hello?
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconirrevocablefate:
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner May 14, 2014   Writer
Happy birthday. <3
Reply
:iconbakagohome:
bakagohome Featured By Owner May 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
HAPPY ALMOST BIRTHDAY! ONE WEEK EARLY BECAUSE I AM RIDICULOUSLY ACTIVE ON  HERE AND YOU WRITE BEAUTIFULLY.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconall-my-darkness:
All-My-Darkness Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014
Stop it.

Whatever it is

that is stopping you.

I'm almost certain it should be illegal.

Or instead carry on and know you are thought of.
Reply
:iconallkindsofyes:
AllKindsOfYES Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Professional General Artist
Thanks so much for the fav on my Mr.Meeseeks plush 
if super itnerested in him,I do sell custom ones for $30 
Reply
:iconmemnalar:
Memnalar Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014
I'm told it's been two thousand fourteen years since something or other. I'm here to deliver my affadavit of good wishes. Please sign. _____________.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconzemimsky:
zemimsky Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks a ton for the watch - if i bore you to death - feel free to unwatch me ^-^
Reply
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