Edward, you LEECH!
Youre a stinking DOG, Jacob!
Then the two fell upon each other, snarling and biting, ripping at each others clothes, then flesh. Jacob was the first to clutch Edwards penis and slide it into his mouth, chomping down. Edward followed suit, grasping Jacobs
I tossed the manuscript on my desk before I tossed my cookies. This was hopeless. This was also the best work Id received yet for the newspaper writing contest. I rubbed my eyes, trying to think up yet another new, polite way to say you so utterly suck.
So? What do you think?
I looked up at the writer responsible for this masterpiece. Mrs. Muldoon was a deacon in our church, and had fallen inexplicably hard for Ms.Meyers vampire wiles. I was as mystified as anyone, I suppose.
um, kind of
She nodded vigorously. Yes! You can see by chapter three theyve totally gotten over that Bella girl and are well on their way to Ohio so they can get married.
Shed fixated on gay rights, specifically gay marriage ever since Tony, her older boy, had come out. It was a fine thing to support ones children, but this was the oddest outlet by far shed utilized.
Grace. It goes on for
I flipped pages of her manuscript. Six? Six pages. This one sex scene.
Oh, its not pornography, Mr. Taylor. Its pivotal to the story. Theyre trying to kill each other, you see.
By fellating each other for six pages?
Theyre supernatural creatures! Of course they have stamina. They have to suck the venom out of their veins, you see.
And then they fall in love and decide to get married. In Ohio.
She sensed my skepticism, her smile faltering. Well, its a complicated relationship.
I can see that. I tried a different deterrent. Um, you do realize its a creative writing contest? In a public newspaper? The Gazettes read by over twenty thousand of your fellow townspeople. And this is
Mr. Taylor. My message requires a certain amount of
And its very, very long. 214 pages is well beyond the scope of
Id be pleased if you serialized it. A chapter a week until its complete.
I had to admire her calm determination. I sighed, blew out my cheeks. This really was the best wed gotten, and the contest was officially over, and I had an entirely blank Features section holding up the Gazettes presses, and it would be soooo easy to
You know what, Grace? Im running it. Chapter one in tomorrows Gazette. Congratulations for winning the contest.
Her beaming face almost made up for my imagined meeting with the Gazette editorial board tomorrow. Well, thisll teach em to fuck with the Christmas bonuses around here. I picked up the winning contest entry again, flipped it open to a random page.
A serpentine length of Edwards vampire tool coiled around Jacobs
Oh sweet jumpin Jesus in a sack race. This was gonna be good.