Future Man

"You sure this is a good idea?"

Scholz shot Lenning a look, her eyes narrowed threateningly.

"Okay, okay.  I'm just asking."  Lenning raised his hands in futility.  He knew as well how desperate the situation had become.  

The High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program (HAARP) was in trouble with a capital T.  The giant array of antennae was located in Alaska, power supplied by a pair of experimental Navy fusion reactors, and was capable of dumping 4.5 teravolts of electrical energy into the earth's atmosphere.  The cover story was simple enough: research of earth's magnetic fields.  

The reality was far more complicated: weather control, death rays from the sky.  Hurricane Katrina had been the most recent experiment gone wrong; Lenning feared something far, far worse from the current fuckup.

Oh, sure, they'd learned to conjure up lighting strikes at will, wipe out entire Chinese tank divisions with a single--

"Lenning, you're monologuing again."

Lenning shut up, smiled weakly.  "Sorry.  I'm just--"

"We're all a bit freaked.  Yeah.  Bring him in."  Scholz gestured to the guard, who touched his earpiece and nodded, stepped sideways and pulled the door handle.

The door to conference room 6A eased open, and a pair of military guards escorted Doctor Zimmermann between him.  The guard holding the door placed his hand lightly on his sidearm; the prisoner had a reputation for being grabby with guns.

Zimmermann was older, but somehow ageless.  His hair was a shock of white, but his face and hands were smooth, his eyes bright, teeth pristine white.  He blinked less often than anyone else, which took some time to get used to.  He was dressed in military fatigues and a black turtleneck – he claimed the earth's temperature in their primitive time was uncomfortably chilly.

He was from the future.

"Doctor Zimmermann.  We have a situation."

The captive scanned the room quickly; Scholz felt uncannily like she'd just been violated somehow and shifted uncomfortably.  The man was simply unpleasant to be in the same room with, which was the primary reason they kept him locked up.

"A… situation."  His voice was miraculously insulting, no matter what he said.

"Doctor Z, you're familiar with HAARP; you must be.  We caught you sabotaging--"

"You monkeys have no idea what forces you toy with!  What have you managed to frak up now?"

Scholz paused, mouth open.  "You really say 'frak' in… whatever time you come from?"

"Hardly," he raised an eyebrow.  "Battlestar Galactica, season 3.  Not much to do in the dungeon you call my quarters.  Tell me… do they ever reach earth?"

"You're from the future.  You tell me."

Zimmermann scowled, threw himself into an office chair.  "We don't watch flat entertainment where I come from."

"Whatever.  Look, we're in a bit of a bind.  How much do you know about HAARP?"

"Everything.  We call it the Great Alaskan Crater.  Bigger than the city of Detroit, with a lovely little lake and pine trees.  Excellent fishing."

At the alarm on Scholz's face he hurried to continue: "Oh, don't worry.  You have a few years.  December 21st, 2012 is when that particular event transpires."

Scholz and Lenning exchanged looks.  Lenning shrugged.  "Very well.  Since you know everything, you know of our current situation?"

Zimmermann stroked his goatee.  "Refresh my memory.  It's not like I read your email or facebook or whatever you primitives use for communication."

"In a nutshell: we've had an incident.  One of the night-shift technicians decided to play a prank.  Plugged his mp3 player into the input modulator for the Big Array, and pumped about a teravolt's worth of Motley Crue into the earth's core – ultralow frequency waves.  Submarines in the Mediterranean lost navigation for three hours, we have mass dolphin beachings on two continents, and at least four tsunamis detected in the Pacific.  My question to you: what more can we expect?"

"Which Motley Crue song?"

"Is that relevant?"

Zimmermann smiled, an evil thing to behold.

"Um…"  Scholz pawed through her notes, came up with a yellow sticky.  "It was, 'Shout at the Devil'."

Zimmermann nodded.  "I don't know that one.  Hum a few bars?"

Lenning exploded.  "Look!  We must know what will happen!  Either tell us something useful, or back into the cell you go!"

Future Man blinked slowly, leaned forward so Scholz could hear.  "Your monkey seems to be having a fit."

Scholz scowled at Lenning, gestured with her eyes.  Lenning stormed from the room.

"Okay, we're alone.  Talk."

"Guards are still here, Ms.Scholz."

"That's Doctor Scholz, and the guards stay.  I know you better than that."

Zimmermann leaned back, suddenly relaxed.  "Fine, fine.  What do you want to know?"

She rubbed her eyes.  "Tell me what we can expect from this event, please."

"Well, I do recall something.  Oh, it's not pretty, but nothing permanent.  All I can tell you is--"

CRACKKKK!

The room was filled with a flash seen from inside closed eyes, from within the brain.  Things went sideways, and upside down, and the sound of purple battered her ears.

The guards were quicker than she, of course, and had their weapons drawn and pointed at the vortex of energy swirling above the conference table.  They were very well trained, she noted, one maintaining readiness despite throwing up violently.

"Don't shoot!" she managed to gasp out, her words emerging as pulsing yellow orbs that bounced around the room like pinballs.

Doctor Zimmermann stepped out of the energy vortex, onto the table, his shoes squeaking on the veneer.  "Stop!  Don't tell her!"

Doctor Zimmermann looked up at Doctor Zimmermann with shock.  "What the frak are you doing here?"

"You meddling fool!  One more word and you'll ruin everything!  Thank Elvis I got here in time!"  Zimmermann2 nodded to a stunned Doctor Scholz.  "Good day to you, madam.  I trust I have behaved myself?"

"Um…"

"Since you're here, that means I escape!"  Zimmermann1 cackled delightedly.

"Not precisely," Zimmermann2's smile was crooked.  "I am not up-time you, but rather, cross-time you.  Revision 47C."

"What!  The dinosaur planet--"

"Shut up!  God, I talk a lot.  They must not know!"

"If you're not from this time-line, then you do not know!"

"Know what?"

"They've gotten their stupid HAARP array functional.  You're trapped here, same as I am!"

Zimmermann2's smile faltered.  "HAARP?"

"Oh, frak."

"Gentleman,"  Scholz had recovered her senses.  She gestured to the guards to stand down.  "I'm not sure what just happened, but I believe I can infer.  And now that I have two of you, maybe we can fix this little problem even faster."

"What does she yammer on about, Zimmermann?"

"They pumped a teravolt of modulated Motley Crue into the earth's mantle."

"What song?"

"Oh for fuck's sake, shut up!"

Both Zimmermanns turned to look at her.  "Clearly you guys know something.  Even if you don't remember anything, your advanced grasp of science should prove helpful.  I'm turning you over to the high-energy physics group… you're their problem now.  Figure out how to nullify the damage from last night's event, and we'll make your stay here more comfortable."

The Zimmermanns exchanged looks.  Zimmermann1 spoke up. "Do we get lab coats?"

"Yes.  You can have lab coats."

"Maybe… if we invert the wave?"  Zimmermann1 stroked his goatee thoughtfully.  "Or find something inversely proportional to Shout at the Devil?"

"Hannah Montana?" Zimmermann2 suggested.

Scholz winced as they high-fived, Zimmermann1 helping Zimmermann2 from the table.  The guards escorted them away.

She was about to signal for Lenning to return when the air flashed again, purple raped her ears, and things went sideways.  Zimmermann3 stepped from crackling energies and onto the conference table, bellowing about UFOs.

Scholz wondered how much room they had left in the detention block.