Jesus Christ, you have mail.

Jesus Christ sighed as he waited for Windows to boot, dreading what he'd see.

It was always worse than he expected, which on the surface seemed impossible... but he'd learned long ago questioning how his father worked merely rewarded him with blinding migraines. Mysterious ways, and all that.

Eventually Windows was up, and he clicked the Outlook icon. Drummed his fingers waiting for--

"Oh, geez..." he muttered. There were 240,970 new emails. Since yesterday. He wanted to cry. Oh well, nothing to do but get on with it.

The first one was spam, as was the second. And the third. Jesus had considered using junk-mail filters but hadn't found one yet that could tell the difference between spam and some of the prayers he received.

Fourth one was from a child in Zambia, whose mother was sick. Not a lot of details, but clearly the tot was seriously distressed... and everything seemed legit. He nodded once, fowarding it to Dad.

Next three were spams.

Number eight was from a gambler in Las Vegas. Ha! Nice try, buddy. That got deleted.

Next few were spams. Three, in fact. Hmmm, interesting... they were coming in threes, an interesting pattern. Was it a sign? Something to do with the Trinity perhaps? Jesus was not a superstitious man, but simple coincidence was rare in his life.

Number twelve was heartbreaking. Prisoner on death row in Texas. Consulting Wikipedia, Jesus ascertained that his conviction was shakey, something to do with a racist Sherrif trying to get re-elected way back in 1974. He nodded: Dad needed to see this one too.

Whoops... FOUR spams in a row; pattern was broken. Jesus wasn't sure if he should be relieved or disappointed.

Only 240,954 left to go. It was going to be a long, long night.