ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
To whom it May Concern:
Thank you for the kind submission of your:
[ ] novel / play / story / poem entitled _____________________________
[ ] marriage proposal
[ ] restraining order
[ ] semen sample
[ ] General Purpose Rejection Letter
[ ] Other (unspecified, because we did not review the materials)
While this work clearly represents the product of careful thought, planning, and hard work, we regret that we are unable to make use of it at this time for the following reason(s):
[ ] It does not suit the format / scope / ethics of our current business model
[ ] It violates several international pornography laws
[ ] Contains multiple catastrophic flaws in concept and/or execution
[ ] The review process was interrupted by explosive rectal hemorrhaging
[ ] Other (attach additional pages as necessary): ________________________
There is always the possibility that our needs and schedule may change, and thus you may wish to re-submit this material in the future. Please do so:
[ ] When we stop laughing
[ ] No sooner than 180 days from today
[ ] After proof of sobriety is demonstrated
[ ] When you acquire writing and/or cognitive skills
[ ] The day after we change our format and/or charter to “Complete Shit”
[ ] Upon removal of all sexually explicit depictions of copyrighted Disney characters
Even though we are not able to make use of it at this time, here are some other organizations that might be interested in reviewing your work:
[ ] The United States Department of Homeland Security
[ ] International Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Association
[ ] Monthly Newsletter of the Ku Klux Klan
[ ] Tiger Beat Magazine
Once again, thank you for thinking of us. We hope the return favor will not be required any time in the foreseeable future.
Sincerely,
Ralf M. Maximus
Thank you for the kind submission of your:
[ ] novel / play / story / poem entitled _____________________________
[ ] marriage proposal
[ ] restraining order
[ ] semen sample
[ ] General Purpose Rejection Letter
[ ] Other (unspecified, because we did not review the materials)
While this work clearly represents the product of careful thought, planning, and hard work, we regret that we are unable to make use of it at this time for the following reason(s):
[ ] It does not suit the format / scope / ethics of our current business model
[ ] It violates several international pornography laws
[ ] Contains multiple catastrophic flaws in concept and/or execution
[ ] The review process was interrupted by explosive rectal hemorrhaging
[ ] Other (attach additional pages as necessary): ________________________
There is always the possibility that our needs and schedule may change, and thus you may wish to re-submit this material in the future. Please do so:
[ ] When we stop laughing
[ ] No sooner than 180 days from today
[ ] After proof of sobriety is demonstrated
[ ] When you acquire writing and/or cognitive skills
[ ] The day after we change our format and/or charter to “Complete Shit”
[ ] Upon removal of all sexually explicit depictions of copyrighted Disney characters
Even though we are not able to make use of it at this time, here are some other organizations that might be interested in reviewing your work:
[ ] The United States Department of Homeland Security
[ ] International Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Association
[ ] Monthly Newsletter of the Ku Klux Klan
[ ] Tiger Beat Magazine
Once again, thank you for thinking of us. We hope the return favor will not be required any time in the foreseeable future.
Sincerely,
Ralf M. Maximus
Literature
butterflies
he thought he was in love with her on a bright september day when the leaves were as red as her hair; every time he looked at them his heart stuttered, and his mouth followed suit.
he was sure he was in love with her the first time he went to her house. she showed him her impressive collection of comic books. then she showed him her even more impressive collection of vintage records. then she smiled, and he forgot how to breathe.
he was almost positive he was in love with her the first time they kissed. her eyes were the color of spring and her lips tasted like sunshine and she giggled when their noses squished against each other.
he wonde
Literature
Of Broken Mirrors
I'll write a story out of you one day.
And it won't be one of those gushy love stories
you know the ones. The ones I used to write for you all the time. The ones about your eyes, your freckles, the way you held me when I was alone.
This one's going to be about your escape.
I was never quite sure what you were escaping from. It could have been me. It could have been your abusive mom, your alcoholic good-for-nothing dad, it could have been that bratty little kid down the street. But I don't think it was any of those things, not really.
I think you were escaping from your cat.
He still meows at night, you know. As if he's waiting for y
Literature
i call this a heptahedron.
i'm nothing but a washed up cliché
with pages of poetry locked behind my eyes
and forced under my damaged fingernails.
skin is my canvas, an empty slate,
and i'm painting stars in colors that do not have
names; colors that only exist in my mind.
every day is a wait for 11:11 and the opportunity
to discuss my darkest secrets with four-leaved clovers
and moving lights in the night sky.
i'm dancing on the tips of my toes
to avoid stepping on cracks in the pavement
and killing a family of ants.
i spend afternoons making up religions
and teaching them to my stuffed animals
just so i can f
Suggested Collections
If somebody ever actually uses this for a marriage proposal, please cc: me plskthx.
© 2008 - 2024 RalfMaximus
Comments28
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
To whom it May Concern:
Thank you for the kind submission of your:
[ ] novel / play / story / poem entitled _____________________________
[ ] marriage proposal
[ ] restraining order
[ ] semen sample
[X] General Purpose Rejection Letter
[ ] Other (unspecified, because we did not review the materials)
While this work clearly represents the product of careful thought, planning, and hard work, we regret that we are unable to make use of it at this time for the following reason(s):
[ ] It does not suit the format / scope / ethics of our current business model
[ ] It violates several international pornography laws
[ ] Contains multiple catastrophic flaws in concept and/or execution
[ ] The review process was interrupted by explosive rectal hemorrhaging
[X] Other (attach additional pages as necessary): It's too General-Purpose-y for our tastes.
There is always the possibility that our needs and schedule may change, and thus you may wish to re-submit this material in the future. Please do so:
[X] When we stop laughing
[ ] No sooner than 180 days from today
[ ] After proof of sobriety is demonstrated
[ ] When you acquire writing and/or cognitive skills
[ ] The day after we change our format and/or charter to “Complete Shit”
[ ] Upon removal of all sexually explicit depictions of copyrighted Disney characters
Even though we are not able to make use of it at this time, here are some other organizations that might be interested in reviewing your work:
[ ] The United States Department of Homeland Security
[ ] International Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Association
[ ] Monthly Newsletter of the Ku Klux Klan
[ ] Tiger Beat Magazine
[ ] Anywhere (other than dA) on the internet where people submit things, really.
Once again, thank you for thinking of us. We hope the return favor will not be required any time in the foreseeable future.
Sincerely,
Gleicheniaceae
Thank you for the kind submission of your:
[ ] novel / play / story / poem entitled _____________________________
[ ] marriage proposal
[ ] restraining order
[ ] semen sample
[X] General Purpose Rejection Letter
[ ] Other (unspecified, because we did not review the materials)
While this work clearly represents the product of careful thought, planning, and hard work, we regret that we are unable to make use of it at this time for the following reason(s):
[ ] It does not suit the format / scope / ethics of our current business model
[ ] It violates several international pornography laws
[ ] Contains multiple catastrophic flaws in concept and/or execution
[ ] The review process was interrupted by explosive rectal hemorrhaging
[X] Other (attach additional pages as necessary): It's too General-Purpose-y for our tastes.
There is always the possibility that our needs and schedule may change, and thus you may wish to re-submit this material in the future. Please do so:
[X] When we stop laughing
[ ] No sooner than 180 days from today
[ ] After proof of sobriety is demonstrated
[ ] When you acquire writing and/or cognitive skills
[ ] The day after we change our format and/or charter to “Complete Shit”
[ ] Upon removal of all sexually explicit depictions of copyrighted Disney characters
Even though we are not able to make use of it at this time, here are some other organizations that might be interested in reviewing your work:
[ ] The United States Department of Homeland Security
[ ] International Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Association
[ ] Monthly Newsletter of the Ku Klux Klan
[ ] Tiger Beat Magazine
[ ] Anywhere (other than dA) on the internet where people submit things, really.
Once again, thank you for thinking of us. We hope the return favor will not be required any time in the foreseeable future.
Sincerely,
Gleicheniaceae