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TOP 10: Fun Facts About Texas
10. Everyone in Texas is also a cowboy, regardless of age, gender, or job. Everyone drives a pickup truck, wears boots, a hat, jeans with chaps, calls everyone else "pardner", and uses phrases such as "howdy" and "ahm off t'mend th' fences later" in everyday conversation.
9. The San Jacinto monument, near Houston, is a nearly exact replica of the Washington Monument in DC. During construction, concern was expressed that the Texas version must not be taller than the Washington edition. "Not to worry", the Texans reassured everyone, and indeed, the actual monument is no taller. But then in typical "fuck you" fashion, they stuck a 50-foot concrete Lone Star on top of the thing -- making it 50 feet taller than the Washington Monument.
8. Texas is the only state in the USA to maintain a secession clause in their agreement with the federal government. Texas can declare its independence and become a sovereign nation simply by enacting the provision.
7. Despite what Texans want to believe, #8 is false, since the original treaty negotiations (which would have supported a secession clause) were ditched in favor of a more traditional annexation agreement.
6. Despite #7 and #8, if Texas ever DID secede, it would piss off the US federal government, who might try to invade using military force. Bad idea, as Texas has a huge stockpile of tactical nukes squirreled away on various military bases. Strangely enough, these scenarios comfort, rather than disquiet, staunch secessionists.
5. Teddy Roosevelt recruited bad-asses for his Rough Riders in a small hotel bar in San Antonio. The Menger hotel still exists, as does the bar, and you can visit the place today. The Menger was the first decent hotel built in Texas, dates from the early 1800's, and is stuffed with ghosts.
4. The Whataburger restaurant chain was designated a Texas State Treasure on April 9, 2001. The resolution was ratified by the survivors of a brutal 36-day congressional battle during which the city of Austin was evacuated, martial law declared, and competing fast-food chains firebombed by Whataburger Tactical Troops.
3. Texas pumped the last of its oil in 1979. However, Texans are loathe to give up their scenic oil pumps and derricks, so crude oil is imported from the Middle East and secretly loaded into underground reservoirs for the pumps to find.
2. Texans still proudly insist their state is the largest in the Union, even when confronted by Alaska's massive size. They justify their claim using the metric, "useful parts of the place accessible by pickup truck."
1. Texas state flower: the Bluebonnet. Its venom instantly paralyzes mammals, can be sprayed 15 feet, and leaves the victim in an easily digestible state for the plants' elaborate meat-eating root system.
10. Everyone in Texas is also a cowboy, regardless of age, gender, or job. Everyone drives a pickup truck, wears boots, a hat, jeans with chaps, calls everyone else "pardner", and uses phrases such as "howdy" and "ahm off t'mend th' fences later" in everyday conversation.
9. The San Jacinto monument, near Houston, is a nearly exact replica of the Washington Monument in DC. During construction, concern was expressed that the Texas version must not be taller than the Washington edition. "Not to worry", the Texans reassured everyone, and indeed, the actual monument is no taller. But then in typical "fuck you" fashion, they stuck a 50-foot concrete Lone Star on top of the thing -- making it 50 feet taller than the Washington Monument.
8. Texas is the only state in the USA to maintain a secession clause in their agreement with the federal government. Texas can declare its independence and become a sovereign nation simply by enacting the provision.
7. Despite what Texans want to believe, #8 is false, since the original treaty negotiations (which would have supported a secession clause) were ditched in favor of a more traditional annexation agreement.
6. Despite #7 and #8, if Texas ever DID secede, it would piss off the US federal government, who might try to invade using military force. Bad idea, as Texas has a huge stockpile of tactical nukes squirreled away on various military bases. Strangely enough, these scenarios comfort, rather than disquiet, staunch secessionists.
5. Teddy Roosevelt recruited bad-asses for his Rough Riders in a small hotel bar in San Antonio. The Menger hotel still exists, as does the bar, and you can visit the place today. The Menger was the first decent hotel built in Texas, dates from the early 1800's, and is stuffed with ghosts.
4. The Whataburger restaurant chain was designated a Texas State Treasure on April 9, 2001. The resolution was ratified by the survivors of a brutal 36-day congressional battle during which the city of Austin was evacuated, martial law declared, and competing fast-food chains firebombed by Whataburger Tactical Troops.
3. Texas pumped the last of its oil in 1979. However, Texans are loathe to give up their scenic oil pumps and derricks, so crude oil is imported from the Middle East and secretly loaded into underground reservoirs for the pumps to find.
2. Texans still proudly insist their state is the largest in the Union, even when confronted by Alaska's massive size. They justify their claim using the metric, "useful parts of the place accessible by pickup truck."
1. Texas state flower: the Bluebonnet. Its venom instantly paralyzes mammals, can be sprayed 15 feet, and leaves the victim in an easily digestible state for the plants' elaborate meat-eating root system.
Disclaimer: I grew up in Texas, and endured countless hours of Texas State History in school, but slept through most of it.
Any errors discovered here are not my fault.
Any errors discovered here are not my fault.
© 2009 - 2024 RalfMaximus
Comments65
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Ha, the fact that i finally got through a year of TX History with a reallly loud and annoying class makes this even funnier!