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Top 10: Ways of Identifying Jesus or Superman

10.  Has returned from the dead more than once, and might possibly do so again.

9.  Exploits are followed by millions of avid readers for many years.

8.  Subject of painful disagreement and arguments among fans.

7.  Does good works without expectation of reward.

6.  Maintains a tax-free Fortress of Solitude.

5.  Was sent to earth to save us all.

4.  Shoots heat-beams from eyes.

3.  Primary opponent is evil and prefers underground lair.

2.  Native language is not English.

1.  Has a superb sense of humor and would never hurt the author of a Top 10 list.
As the holidays approach, keep this list handy.
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:iconbakagohome:
bakagohome Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
So true.
Reply
:iconperidot-magelette:
peridot-magelette Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2010
fantastic- especially 1.
Reply
:iconcihge:
cihge Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2009
Have I told you you're awesome today? Okay, you're awesome. :rofl:

By the way, what's with number 2? Are you not American? Or do you not realize "American" is not a language? :D (Ugh, I can't stop bashing redneck patriotism... sorry.)
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:iconfallenidle:
fallenidle Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2009  Professional Writer
"Ralph, Jesus did not have wheels."

But I like the headbeams idea.
Reply
:iconangelusnoir:
AngelusNoir Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2009   General Artist
.....sooo.....*ponders*....:rofl:that makes Mary Magdalene Lois Lane?:XD:
Reply
:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Hmmm. And Lex Luthor would be Judas?

The Kents would be Mary and Joseph.

..we can do this for hours....
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:iconangelusnoir:
AngelusNoir Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2009   General Artist
...we could?:XD:

....Really....?

...I guess we Could!!?
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:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Yes. For hours and hours.
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:iconangelusnoir:
AngelusNoir Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2009   General Artist
:giggle:...it's a pity it's religion you're going on about,otherwise I might be quite intrigued...?:innocent:
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:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
What makes you think it's religion?

..just cus I'm on my knees?
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:iconangelusnoir:
AngelusNoir Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2009   General Artist
OK....
I'm officially intrigued now...just exactly why would that be, Ralf dear?
:XD:
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:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
It'd be better if I showed you. :)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icongoogol-plex:
googol-plex Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009
:rofl:

#4...I'll have to ask my pastor about that after church tomorrow :paranoid:
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:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
YES!! Please do. Show him the list, in fact. Wanna see how a man in black reacts. :P
Reply
:iconbuyobabyboo:
buyobabyboo Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
h-heat beams?! have I missed something in Sunday school?!
Reply
:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Possibly. They usually cover the heat-vision shortly after describing Jesus's epic ninja fighting skills.
Reply
:iconbuyobabyboo:
buyobabyboo Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
-facepalm- this is what I get for dropping out in second grade, i have a lot of catching up to do....
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:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Wait'll you learn the shocking real reason unicorns never made it onto Noah's ark.
Reply
:iconseraphsword-seraphs:
Seraphsword-Seraphs Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
John Green approves.
Reply
:iconbuyobabyboo:
buyobabyboo Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
oh dear XD
Reply
:icongodzilla725:
Godzilla725 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009
Jesus didn't live in an undergrouynd lair...
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:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
No, his arch nemesis did.
Reply
:icongodzilla725:
Godzilla725 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009
does* Its not past, its past present and future that his arch nemesis will live underground
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:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
If you wanna get pedantic, Lucifer didn't always live underground. :)
Reply
:icongodzilla725:
Godzilla725 Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2009
Blasphemy! :p
Reply
:iconncpanthersgurl:
NCPanthersgurl Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Friggin fabulous, as per usual =]

And very true at the same time. =D
Reply
:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
True in the Maximusverse, anyway. :P
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:iconncpanthersgurl:
NCPanthersgurl Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
And isn't that all that matters? lol
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:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
So long as you exist within it someplace, I suppose not.
Reply
:iconncpanthersgurl:
NCPanthersgurl Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Yays. lol =D
Reply
:iconkneelingglory:
KneelingGlory Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009
How perfectly devious of you my dear. :highfive: #2 had me cracking up so hard.
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:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Not-so-random question: if you could pick a single Bible story for me to rewrite, which would it be?
Reply
:iconkneelingglory:
KneelingGlory Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009
ooooooh, really?!! It'd definitely be Jesus resurrecting Lazarus. Personally, I hear a "WHAT THE FUCK, JESUS?! I WAS ABOUT TO MEET MY 72 VIRGINs, GOD DAMNIT!" somewhere in the story. :giggle:
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:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
*ka-ching*

On the list. Right after I finish with David and Bathsheba. :D
Reply
:iconsephirothsflamedwing:
SephirothsFlamedWing Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, yes. :lol: This will definately come in handy.
#4 is totally true. Check Revelations (the "eyes like blazing fire" bit.)
Reply
:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Woot for almost citing scripture to back up a Top 10!
Reply
:iconsephirothsflamedwing:
SephirothsFlamedWing Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
:dance: Heck yeah. That's how I roll.
Reply
:iconfortheloveofmusic13:
fortheloveofmusic13 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2009
Or zombies sent to destroy the human race. You can smell them too. Be careful Ralf.
Reply
:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Ew. No wanna smell zombies.
Reply
:iconangelofgod87:
AngelofGod87 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Ralf, once again... you keep me in stitches (:lmao:)

TTFN
Me
:D
Reply
:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Win! :D
Reply
:iconangelofgod87:
AngelofGod87 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I still think you're weird though... in a good way, but still weird.

I wasn't feeling very cheery today, thankful yes, but cheery no. I almost lost my boyfriend yesterday. He was 1 1/2 inch shy of hitting the back of his neck against his washing machine. Fell off a rotten ladder rung in his house.
Came on here and ta da... I see and read and laugh. Thanks

TTFN
Me
:)
Reply
:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Weird, eh? I'll take it. :D

Wow, glad the washing machine did not claim a victim there. Not only because it would suck to lose a loved one... but killed by an appliance? I mean, that'd be... um... silly?

I'm hoping my obituary involves rabid bears or steampunk clockwork terminators from an alternate future, frankly.
Reply
:iconangelofgod87:
AngelofGod87 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Heh something like that...
Reply
:iconarcharad:
ArchArad Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2009
:clap: Absolutely great work my friend! Just had a whole lot of my friends in stitches reading this to them. That is a great compliment. :D
Reply
:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I am honored, seriously. Thank you. :D
Reply
:iconarcharad:
ArchArad Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009
Only a pleasure. :aww:
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:iconeloarei:
Eloarei Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I read this yesterday and thought it was absolutely perfect and hilarious. =) But I couldn't really figure out how to appropriately praise it.
Reply
:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I wondered if anyone would feel conflicted. Wasn't gonna deter me, though. :)

(Thanks)
Reply
:iconorionaram:
OrionAram Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2009
You had me up until #4, I think the big J.C. would have used his Cyclops capabilities to level that temple marketplace. And it would have been awesome.
Reply
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