Ronald and McCheese found Grimace like that: stripped to the bone, skeletal structure exposed and glistening wetly in the marshes below the Chocolate Shake Volcano.
"Who'd do such a thing?" Ronald whispered.
McCheese shook his massive head. "No clue, Ronald. Birdy spotted him from the air, didn't see nobody else. She's… kinda messed up now. Not talking much. You understand."
"Yeah, I can imagine." Ronald stepped carefully around the body, knelt near Grimace's surprised face. Whoever did this left him intact above the shoulders. Weird.
Officer Big Mac broke through the bushes then, wading back up onto dry land. Ronald had never seen such a grim look on his hamburger lips, even during the worst of the Hamburglar's crime waves.
"Anything, Chief?" McCheese called.
Big Mac scowled. "Not a clue. No footprints, no artifacts, no murder weapon. Honestly, it's as if he just… dissolved here. Very strange."
The two burgers appeared shattered, lost. They looked to Ronald helplessly for direction. Nobody'd ever died in McDonanaldland before… Big Mac didn't even have a forensics kit! The Hamburglar had always been ridiculously easy to catch.
Before Ronald could say something supportive his phone rang. He flipped it open to the frantic gibbering of Captain Crook, who in his panic sounded a bit like Hamburglar.
"Ronald me boy! They're all 'round me! I figger there's only seconds afore they break through t'bulkheads an eat me!"
Ronald's blood froze. "Crook! WHO'S all around you? Talk to us!"
"We got it all wrong about Grimace! It's the Filet-o-Fish! They're hunting in packs now, Ronald! And— oh my sweet n'tangy tartar sauce! They've broken through! Aieeeee! They're—"
"Crook! Crook!" Ronald shouted uselessly into the dead phone.
"Ronald…" McCheese backed away from Grimace, from the edge of the Chocolate Volcano marsh. Big Mac pointed out into the horizon, which seemed to be… boiling?
"They're comin' for us," McCheese observed quietly. "Just like they came for Crook. And…" he gestured sadly at Grimace, "him."
The three friends watched the churning, frothing waters as their last seconds of life ticked away, the rising shriek of blood-crazed Filet-o-Fish boring into their brains.
"I am not lovin this," Ronald sighed sadly.
"I always hated that fucking jingle," McCheese agreed.
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Some history for those that have NO IDEA who these folks are here, and here. The behind-the-scenes stuff is golden.
Cross-posted from tumblr; I write stuff there occasionally too, though tumblr's mostly made of porn. Don't say I didn't {warn|entice} you.
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PS... have a gander at tumblr Maximus.
Some content NSFW, and frankly, not safe for anyone. Use of product not recommended.
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Alas, I get too many faves/watches to thank you dearly in person, so consider yourself thanked now. I really really appreciate the love; it never goes unnoticed. And usually I track back the link to peek at your gallery so I can love your stuff too. Hope you understand.
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